simplestepmom

Do you miss the kids when they are at the other house? Its not something they warn you about, is it? You think, because you aren’t the biological parent you will be to let go every weekend, every holiday. You’ll think of them fondly while they are out of the house, and then move on with your day. But it doesn’t always work that way, and it’s not something you can prepare yourself for.

You are asked to be part of the children’s lives, take on the role of parent. You step in, and with that comes the emotions, the love and protection of them. So as your family grows closer, as the years move on….it gets harder, not easier. The weeks in between seeing them get more difficult. Knowing they are sick, but not with you, is torture. You worry on snowy days about who put their boots on, or did they wear their heavy coat today?

I enjoy the time with my husband, and speaking with other stepmoms…we do not relish the drama that stepkids bring with them. But I do miss him terribly while he’s gone.

What do your stepkid’s call you? I’ve heard everything from Mom, Stepmommy, Bonus Mom is a new trend, and your first name.

I think it really depends on your situation. And Wow, do the situations vary in Blended Families! My stepchild calls me by my first name. It’s nothing that bothers me, and Stepmom is just the term that defines who I am in his life. We do use the term stepmommy….stepmommy took care of that one! I think using it in passing has helped him become more comfortable with all the people in his life.

How do you feel about the Divorced Dads on TV?

The show 2 1/2 Men portrays weak little Allen as the divorced father. He is always broke because of child support or payments his ex-wife needs for their son. I think it is exagerrated, but true that the financial status of father’s is not taken into account when support and other needs come up for the child. The needs of the child should not be sacrificed because of the divorce. But are these expenses the child would have had if the parents had remained together? Or just more and more demands for money for clothing or activities on a father that may not be able to afford it, but does not have a choice in the eyes of the law? It depends on your perspective I guess.

Money is a huge issue in the blended family. The ex wants more of it, the new family doesn’t have any of it. Message boards for stepmothers are filled with countless complaints over demands for money from an ex, or worries over lack of money in their own homes.

What do you think of the new show, Gary Unmarried? It is new favorite of mine:) I think the father is portrayed is a little bit nicer light. The situations are a bit more realistic, at least closer to what we have faced in our own home. There have been a few scenes where the divorced couple got a little too close for comfort and made me and my husband want to gag, but I think it probably does happen in some relationships.

That’s what they call family life when you mix up kids from different marriages, different parents, different families…Welcome to the Blender. Boy, they weren’t kidding! Of course, the name starts from all the different people involved. But when you mix us all together….you come out a little shaken up too.

I grew up with a Grandma who taught me proper etiquette, reading White Gloves and Party Manners, and knowing about Emily Post. Today, I watch Martha Stewart over lunch! But these etiquette queens haven’t given instruction on what to say your husband’s ex-wife when you stand next to each other at a soccer game, cheering for the same child. I don’t see an example of seating arrangements for the Parent Teacher meeting.

It doesn’t seem like a scary situation when you first test the water. You fall in love, his kids are adorable, instant family portrait! Of course it won’t be easy, there are obvious strings attached to this one. But as many stepmoms agree….no one can prepare you for this one. Take a deep breath and dive on into the Blender!